Physical vs Psychological

Well it has been a while since my last post, and not for lack of "recovering" but for lack of ability. I have been plagued with severe headaches, migraines, intense vertigo, daily nausea, colds/flus/infections, a seizure, high blood pressure, high resting heart rate, low iron etc, and no one knows why. This all started about 6 weeks ago, and since then I've pulled back from all exercise and have rested my body, mostly because my symptoms wouldn't allow me to do anything, but things have only continued to get worse, and symptoms intensify. I have spent days in hospital getting fluids, CT scans, special blood work done, and to no avail. We now have to go through the process of elimination and see if by removing anything from my life, my symptoms disappear. So the first thing we are trialling is my contraceptive pill, as that is the last thing that I went on. I will have to undergo a meds review with my psychiatrist, and see if they are causing any of these 'side effects', though I imagine this is highly doubtful as I've been on these meds for a while now. One thing they are considering is that perhaps I do not have enough serotonin floating around in my brain, but goodness knows, for all and any medications the side effects contradict each other. Regardless, I really would like to get to the bottom of it and have my life return to how it was. Obviously i'm going to have to slow down in some areas, perhaps even give up hockey at this level, but right now I don't even care about that. I've not done any form of exercise in the past 6 weeks and I really haven't felt overly anxious about it, firstly because I've been so exhausted, but also because due to the nausea I haven't been able to consume a whole lot. I have been ensuring that I do eat as much as I can though, I realised after a mere two days of minimal eating how all too easy it would be to lapse and ride these symptoms for all they were worth. In just those two days my thoughts started to sway in strength of the eating disorder, and I knew then that I could not afford for things to continue. My GP prescribed an anti-nausea medication, which I was reluctant to take at first, but once I did have it in my system it was amazing how much better in myself I started to feel again. I did have moments of anxiety whereby I thought 'omg i'm going to eat too much' and even stopped taking the meds for a couple of days to control [restrict] my intake again, then got some sense back and am regularly taking them again. Honestly, at this point however, I just want to be well. I want to be able to go back to work, I want to be able to not feel anxious when I go to bed each night for fear of what the morning will bring. I want to have the energy to live life again. I'm all but bed-bound at this point, if not due to the severity of my headaches or vertigo, then out of pure exhaustion of fighting this. And it is starting to weigh on me. I'm tired of it and at times almost ready to give up and accept that i'm a current cot-case and can do little more than sleep. I don't know if I actually have it in me to really give up and accept defeat, for I hate to be in such a vulnerable position, relying on other people to help out in areas that are my responsibility. I hate to ever be in this place of need, it makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and the sooner I get out of it the better. My parents have been useless in regard to helping out any, despite the fact that my father is retired and at home not doing anything. I call him to say that i'm being driven to ED as my current symptoms at that time were resembling a stroke, and could he come over and collect the girls from daycare. He tells me he's busy 'working on the boat'. Yes, because that is far more important. My mother then calls me the following day to see what is going on, and the only message she wants to impart is that 'there is never a dull moment in your life is there'. No doubt she believes this is all due to the fact that i'm again engaging in e.d. behaviours, and hence the lack of empathy or support, but this is just how she is, how she has always been. Even as a child, there was no care or concern if I was unwell, it was always an occasion to yell at me. Even at 15yrs when I turned up at ED with severe abdominal pain by myself, to be told I had appendicitis and needed surgery, this was met with fury and was told it was my fault and a result from all the running I was doing, like seriously women?! Anyway, same story, same response well in to adulthood, and i'm over it. Just don't fucking call me if you're going to be negative, I don't need to deal with that on top of everything else. But clearly it has upset me, and is something I will take to therapy tomorrow, as I don't know what to do with it, how to let it go, how to not allow it to continue to effect me. And that basically is the past 6 weeks in a nutshell- i'm physically battling conditions with no known cause, not knowing one day from the next what i'm going to be faced with, if i'll be well or bed-ridden. I do know each day that i'm still making progress in my journey toward recovery, that i'm not going to use this as an excuse to lose weight, or to allow the thoughts of negativity and futility to reign.