Well there you have it. I managed my goals for the whole month of September, and I must say, that it was probably the most positive month in a very very long time. I even had days where I thought I was through with this eating disorder in it's entirety.
I'm struggling a bit now though, and really want to weigh myself. I know I've put on weight, I can see it all around my mid-section, actually just everywhere, and it's causing great anxiety. I know that if I were to weigh myself however, everything I've just worked so hard to achieve would be undone and I would resume e.d. behaviours, so i'm not going to do that. I'm taking closer inventory of my eating again, preparing protein meals/shakes in advance, being mindful of the cakes and cookies that i'm eating, and am going to have a period where I say no to these. I'm also going to start hitting the weights and treadmill again and see how I can fare for the next month. I need to keep progressing with recovery, and right now that has to take a new turn- so I will reintroduce exercise, while keeping all new practises in place (i.e., no weighing, no calorie or macro tracking etc).
As far as illness goes, I think I may actually be free of ailments- finally!! It's only 6 months later! But hey, i'll take it. And hello spring, oh how I love spring and the warmer weather and longer days. Hopefully all of these components will add to a greater sense of wellness :)
I'm looking forward to October! Another month, a new set of goals, and greater progression towards the value-filled living I wish to be experiencing. My first baby has just had her 5th birthday, so a new season in regard to her life, and consequently ours also. Nothing can change for one person in the family without it effecting the whole unit, but change is good, it brings forth growth and expansion.
Sunday 27 September 2015
Saturday 19 September 2015
The Wellness Extends
Things are still tracking really well here. I have not slipped in regard to any of my goals and actually feel pretty good. I have my moments whereby I don't feel wonderful, and otherwise fat and yuck, but I acknowledge those emotions, accept that this is how things are in this moment, and then tell myself that like all things, this will pass, and it does. I did suffer a bit of PMS this week, which is typical for me, but it was pretty short-lived and perhaps even a little less intense than what it's been in the past, so I can't complain there.
I was also able to engage in some physical activity again, and played a game of field hockey. It was good to be back on the field, and to realise that i'm well enough to commence some degree of cardio again- YAY!! I started taking this immunity booster supplement this past week as I was growing so frustrated at how under the weather I've been, and for how long it's been, and I don't know if that has helped, or if I was going to get better again now, but i'm continuing with it until it's all gone, and then will switch back to my multi vitamins. You can take both simultaneously but i'm already downing enough meds that another 4 on top of that was just a bit much.
Therapy this past fortnight was a waste of time on all accounts. I have done so well this month that I had both psychologists speechless, and neither one wanted to bring up anything else that had the potential to 'rock the boat' so after I told them how I was, and how things had been, the session was basically called a day. One thing that i'm going to try and work out is what I think the most important element of this recovery has been. That way if I start to slip I can hold on to something of substance, and pull myself up before anything were to happen. I don't think it's been any single thing that has attributed to this effort and achievement, but perhaps a number of things that were all occurring simultaneously. I will give it some thought anyway and see what I come up with.
And there you have it. Another update, and another positive one at that.
I was also able to engage in some physical activity again, and played a game of field hockey. It was good to be back on the field, and to realise that i'm well enough to commence some degree of cardio again- YAY!! I started taking this immunity booster supplement this past week as I was growing so frustrated at how under the weather I've been, and for how long it's been, and I don't know if that has helped, or if I was going to get better again now, but i'm continuing with it until it's all gone, and then will switch back to my multi vitamins. You can take both simultaneously but i'm already downing enough meds that another 4 on top of that was just a bit much.
Therapy this past fortnight was a waste of time on all accounts. I have done so well this month that I had both psychologists speechless, and neither one wanted to bring up anything else that had the potential to 'rock the boat' so after I told them how I was, and how things had been, the session was basically called a day. One thing that i'm going to try and work out is what I think the most important element of this recovery has been. That way if I start to slip I can hold on to something of substance, and pull myself up before anything were to happen. I don't think it's been any single thing that has attributed to this effort and achievement, but perhaps a number of things that were all occurring simultaneously. I will give it some thought anyway and see what I come up with.
And there you have it. Another update, and another positive one at that.
Tuesday 8 September 2015
Spring- New Beginnings
Things are going well this week. I had a lovely semi-silent mindfulness weekend retreat, and greatly benefited from this, despite considering not turning up and being highly sceptical just an hour before I got there. In fact it was so therapeutic that i'm going to try and put aside 30-40mins each day to continue practicing in this manner.
My goals in regard to not weighing, not calorie or macro counting/logging, and reducing body checking are going very well also. I have no idea where my scale is, and I haven't even gone looking for it. I have not added or input any food items anywhere, and am trying to eat intuitively. I find this a little difficult as some times I don't recognise hunger, but later in the day feel ravenous and as though i'm amidst a perpetual binge state. I would feel more comfortable if these calories were taken in across the day instead of right before bed, but i'm not actively doing anything to change that at present. I still find myself body checking but instead of reacting to this, I "simply" accept that this is how I am/look and whilst I don't have to like it (and I don't) I can continue to carry about my day without berating myself and bringing myself down with a flurry of negative thoughts and emotion.
I am considering adopting the practice of yoga in to my week- perhaps once a week just to start. I have experimented with this a couple of times in the past month and have decided that I quite like it. I also find it a means to connecting my mind and body where otherwise they'd remain as separate entities, each trying to dictate the other. I believe that yoga may be the activity that brings about a sense of wholeness to my being, or if nothing other than an increase in flexibility is experienced, then that's okay too. I shall update as my trial pursues.
I am also considering establishing an eating disorder support group, as there is nothing in my area like this, but am a little concerned at the potential degree of interest this will arouse. I do not profess to be a counsellor or specialist, or any 'helping' other, just someone who see's a need/feels a need, and wants to see this met. I will research all I can on the matter i.e. what it makes to be a great facilitator etc but i'm still anxious about the whole thing, and it's not even materializing yet! I do have the desire to see this city achieve a greater level of service and care in regard to eating disorders, in fact, the whole nation, but it's going to take a little more than just me to achieve that lol.
I'm supposed to be starting further graduate study next month also, but still have yet to complete the application form and get that away for approval. I'm somewhat nervous about that too, but I just have to bite-the-bullet so to speak and get on with it.
My first baby is about to turn 5yrs and begin school as well, so many changes happening here at the moment. They are all positive changes though, but changes none-the-less.
My goals in regard to not weighing, not calorie or macro counting/logging, and reducing body checking are going very well also. I have no idea where my scale is, and I haven't even gone looking for it. I have not added or input any food items anywhere, and am trying to eat intuitively. I find this a little difficult as some times I don't recognise hunger, but later in the day feel ravenous and as though i'm amidst a perpetual binge state. I would feel more comfortable if these calories were taken in across the day instead of right before bed, but i'm not actively doing anything to change that at present. I still find myself body checking but instead of reacting to this, I "simply" accept that this is how I am/look and whilst I don't have to like it (and I don't) I can continue to carry about my day without berating myself and bringing myself down with a flurry of negative thoughts and emotion.
I am considering adopting the practice of yoga in to my week- perhaps once a week just to start. I have experimented with this a couple of times in the past month and have decided that I quite like it. I also find it a means to connecting my mind and body where otherwise they'd remain as separate entities, each trying to dictate the other. I believe that yoga may be the activity that brings about a sense of wholeness to my being, or if nothing other than an increase in flexibility is experienced, then that's okay too. I shall update as my trial pursues.
I am also considering establishing an eating disorder support group, as there is nothing in my area like this, but am a little concerned at the potential degree of interest this will arouse. I do not profess to be a counsellor or specialist, or any 'helping' other, just someone who see's a need/feels a need, and wants to see this met. I will research all I can on the matter i.e. what it makes to be a great facilitator etc but i'm still anxious about the whole thing, and it's not even materializing yet! I do have the desire to see this city achieve a greater level of service and care in regard to eating disorders, in fact, the whole nation, but it's going to take a little more than just me to achieve that lol.
I'm supposed to be starting further graduate study next month also, but still have yet to complete the application form and get that away for approval. I'm somewhat nervous about that too, but I just have to bite-the-bullet so to speak and get on with it.
My first baby is about to turn 5yrs and begin school as well, so many changes happening here at the moment. They are all positive changes though, but changes none-the-less.
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